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Thread: Why the F&F uk version would not work

  1. #1
    Guest Darksurfer's Avatar
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    Talking Why the F&F uk version would not work

    Ok. ideas for the script of the UK version of the Fast & the furious.

    You meet our hero Gaz, he works in Halfords and drives a Saxo VTsomething or other with an enormouse zorst and rear spoiler to suit.

    Sharon, the love interest, spots our Gaz in Halfords one morning as she called in to buy some red caliper spray for her XR2i.
    Lovely looking motor but unfortunately rusting around the rear arches.

    Sharons brother, John, the local hard nut drives an Escort Cossy and any mention of it not being a genuine cossy gets treated with a but end of a snooker cue he keeps next to the drivers seat.

    John has always been troubled since his dad died, a street race between his Dads Escort Mexico and this new Capri. both cars were racing down this country lane when the Capri driver saw they were approaching a sharp bend, well you can imagine the rest.


    Just does not work does it???

    Please feel free to carry on the script.

    Just a bit of a laugh and BTW I have had a Capri.

  2. #2
    committed. Jezz_S13's Avatar
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    LOL.

    Wonder if the yanks think that about the real F&F.

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    Guest H's Avatar
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    Carrying on f&f uk spec!

    One day Gaz realises that if he's ever gonna play with the big boys he needs power, HE NEEDS A MAX POWER STICKER

    With the Saxo now up to almost 110bhp he heads down to Southend.........Little does he know the evil SXOC are laying in wait.

    Carry on lads

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    Dave, is an undercover officer sent in to investigate Gaz and co. Its suspected they are involved in stealing car stereos to fund their love of harness pads and neon washers.

    Dave, turns up at a cruise in a G reg Orion Ghia, with all the best mods - TSW Venoms, stick on aero filler cap, Peco BB4, "Motorsport" sticker across windscreen. All funded by the Met. Dave approaches Gaz and offers to race him - the winner gets to keep the others car.

    A Star Wars Pod Racer style race around Halfords car park then ensues.....

  5. #5
    Guest Darksurfer's Avatar
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    Johns best pal, so far, is Jacob (token black guy for audience) Jacob drives a Beemer 325i. cut suspension springs so its a mil of the floor. Blacked out windows (all round) and jet black respray.

    Jacob has that many Bass bins in the car that only Barry White and wales hear what he has playing on the Kenwwod system.

    Jacob recently dented the front end after trying to park in a multi storey car park, apparntly he could not see a thing out of the windows in that lighting.


    John is also a little deaf after recently winning a sound off at the Max Power show.
    The Alpine system is so powerful that his fillings in his teeth have dropped out.


    Just trying to give some depth to the characters now... if thats possible..

  6. #6
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    Gaz holes a piston in his saxo after freak power surge caused by turning of his ice sent his "turboZet" haywire. while getting a lift home in his mate kev's nova (filled with 8 baseball cap wearing spotty kids) they pull up alongside a porche boxter at the lights, sensing an opertunity to impress Gaz kev revs his "chariot" trying to get the attention of the porche driver. The tension mounts as the lights change from red to amber, all the gimps press there faces against the windows in anticipation, GREEN and there off with kev lighting up his street racer remoulds and the thunderouse roar of his blowing peco. the porche turns left, but hey it's still a win as far as kev's concerned, they decide to celebrate by stopping of at the local McDonalds and letteing everyone know how they wasted this porche, must have been the airbox mod mentions one of the guys.
    Meanwhile Jakob has been pulled for the 10th time today and given a producer and a warning about his driving, seems the police in his hood dont like him mounting the pavement to scare one of his mates hes just seen, either that or theyre just jelouse about his fatt motor. Gangsta rap blaring out he pulls into the super market carpark impressing the local 15 year old girls, he cruises up and chats to them about his gangsta lifestyle, about how he's been shot at and how his posse is the meanest in the city. one of the girls asks him for a lift into town, he helps her put the pushchair in the boot and off they go. Once he's dropped her off Jakob decides to go home and smoke some weed, pulling into his drive he notices his dads Jag isnt in the double garage of the detached house in the leafy suberbs of the city. He parks up and saunters up to the door, suddenly it flys open and there stands his mum " Jakob, Jakob" she shouts as he ducks to avoide a glancing slap from mum, " Jakob, your reversed into your dads car again this morning didnt you?" she clips him around the ear and sends him upto his room to await his dads return. Jakob cowers in the corners crying, knowing whats about to happen. Dad is going to shout at him again!!!

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    "I live my life a quarter of a mile at a time... well, 38 seconds at a time to be exact but with my new twin dtm backbox it should manage it in 37.4..."

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    Guest Darksurfer's Avatar
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    Next day they all agree to meet at Halfords at 2pm to drool over the red ally sun glasses holder and matching accesories.

    Gaz is outside painting the letters on his Firestone tyres with white paint, they join him after purchasing wiper boots and a fake bee sting ariel.

    A rather large rumble attracts the attention of the group, except for John who still has this ringing in his ears from the sound off.
    The rumble is getting louder and louder.
    Then out of the blue they see over the road a 200sx wizz by followed by a Skyline. Then 5, maybe 6 more 200sx go by. Each and every driver wearing a stupid grin.

    The group try to ignore this convoy of power.
    John breaks the ice, I hear they are all going to a place called Billing...
    Jacob replies, Yes, Billing I have heard of this magical place, full of Jap motors and happy, mostly drunk owners.

    The realisation hits home, This Citreon or Nova that they so desperatly want to look like a F&F contender, never will.

    John speaks again, One day I will have a car that will be the pride of Billing....

    We all should have our dreams.

  9. #9
    Head Mod Scottie's Avatar
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    LOL

    I am eagerly awaiting Chapter 2 ....
    2004 - on : 1999 S14a 398bhp 378lb/ft
    2010 - on : 2007 RX8 PZ
    1998 - 2004 : 1991 S13

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    So will the theme tune be the Teletubbies song then?

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    .... after seeing this, they are obviously feeling a little dis - heartened.
    But Hark!! one of them yells. They all look into the distance, where a tinny, rattly rumble can be heard.
    [ cue new character winston in his nova SR with fading, flaking body kit, and chrome hubcaps]
    He wheelspins in to the halfords car park, but stalls it cos his foot slips off the clutch.
    Everyone gathers around his beast of a motor.
    Winston lifts up the bonnet.
    [revered silence, followed by a gasp]
    " ok, check it out, ive got a vauxhall tuned 1300cc block, um, standard head, um, urr, coloured leads??, de- air filtered, ive mounted my mums hair dryer on the single choke carb, just as good as a turbo, and genuine heinz [ not a cheaper alternative ] baked bean can zorst.
    Its pulling nearly 5hp over standard!! he exclaims.
    With the crowd clearly impressed with his engine tuning skills, they all clamber into his nova [ yes all of them ] and race after the 200sx's that whizzed by nearly 5 minutes ago now, determined to catch them up and teach them all a lesson..........

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    The boys decide that Billing should be the ultimate place to go and whup Jap Car ass, but first they need to hone their skills……

    The disembark to the local Shell garage on the bypass and sit their with their ‘biatches’ until nearly midnight.

    Then, in pairs, they take turns to perfect those oh so important ‘raggin it’ driving attributes.

    First: The cripple hook – the impossible art of driving with your right hand on the top of the wheel, and your elbow bent upwards at ninety degrees.

    Then: The hard-as-nails slump, sit so low, and at such a daft angle relative to the dash so as to see out from under that Motorsport sticker. When combined with Cripple Hook improves hazard avoidance reaction time to mere minutes.

    Don’t forget: The stare – glare at anything with an even remotely powerful engine, anything driven by a male under 50 years old, or absolutely anything driven by a member of the opposite sex

    With these skills tuned to perfection, the young road warriors are nearly ready for the showdown.

    All they need to do now is tune the ‘Chariots’…..

  13. #13
    Guest Dave_S's Avatar
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    OMG!,

    /me Wipes tear from eyes and looks forward to next installation.

    Dave

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    early next morning under winstons guidence they start to mod the motors, 1st up a huge rear wing mounted on the roof then a supra style front spoiler fitted to winstons nova. split fire plugs, special ht leads, magnets on the fuel line. winston has a thought, jumps up and runs into halfords to see gaz, hey man I need NOS loads of NOS, "whats NOS?" enquires gaz, I dunno man but I saw it on this film they had these bottles and buttons and flashing lights and things, he hits a button and get an instant 1500 brake man, must be some type of gas. Ahhh Gas says gaz, they have it at the petrol station down the road in big blue bottles.
    Winston and he other sit staring blankley at the bottle of propane they've just brought, how do we get it into the engine pipes up jakob, duno says gaz, I know says winston, if we run a pipe fron the bottle to the carb and fix it there with some purple cable ties it should work ok.
    All plumbed in they watch as winston sets off on his test run 10.........20...........30.............35......... .....36.......37.....38......39...40mph winstone opens up the bottle.........
    They just stood there with there jaws dropped, scarcley beleiving the fireball before them, darn it says gaz we've just lost our best tuner. Damn those jap cars it's all there fault, rest in peices winston, we shall avenge your death.
    They failed to notice the guy running accross the car park behind them with what looked to ba a one way valve from a calor gas bottle in his hand, they only heard the fabled HKS roar as as he jumped into his car and drove off. little did they know it but revenge for keying a 200 had just been dished out.

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    who's gonna write the sex scene? jacob looked at gaz, gaz looked at jakob..............heh heh

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    Member Asht_200's Avatar
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    That night...

    Sharon, after doing some laps of Southend Sea Front, parks up opposite one of the Amusement Arcade and proceeds to hoot at the passing Nova boys with their Neon Underlighting.

    Sharon spots Gaz on th Sea Front. Prompted by Page3BabeAlana, Sharon gets out of her XR2 and lifts her top exposing her Double "D" Cups.

    Gaz walks over and mutters" Alright"

    Sharon "Yeah, Wot you doing Gaz?"

    Gaz "Nuffink, Fancy a Shag"

    Sharon "Yeah, Alright then Gaz"

    They climb into the back seat of her XR2.....

    Some local lad see whats going on shout "Waaaahay" they run over and start shaking her car , just as Gaz is getting into the Rythm.
    ashflix

    Reviewing Movies and TV Shows

    John Oliver on Donald Trump's whitehouse spokesperson regarding the Obama wiretapping conspiracy

    She thinks the president saw something that led him to believe it was a real potential
    So I guess this is how things are going to work now. The president once saw a banana with a bruise that looked like a picture in an article that he read in a dream and that is why we are at f***ing war!

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    resorting to more convential methods, the boyz are on a mission....

    Now comes 'Big Tel' and his Corsa 1.6sri (pure speed remember)

    Off comes the standard back box, replaced with PECO power = 10bhp

    Adds the stick on exhaust trim surround = 10bhp

    Next the K&N 57i kit = 15bhp

    The the Surbo = 50bhp

    and....
    the finishing touch to push her past the 1/4 mile line first....

    Splitfire plugs, Magnecor leads, neon gearknob, and Quintuple deck spoiler with blue flashing landing lights = 75bhp

    Big Tel adds another 10% - cos the engine is a good'un and fires her up.....

    The mighty GM shopping trolley barks into life as the back box falls off.... He depresses the light action 'town' clutch. Engages first! Revs the little family 2 lump to 6250rpm!!! Sidesteps the clutch!!!!!

    The Corsa lurches forward like a three legged gazelle.
    Bravely the little car picks up momentum....
    Revs rising to a cresendo of power, torque and valve bounce...
    Big Tel double de-clutch snap full throttle changes into second!!
    Beats the synchros!!!!
    Finally gets second!!!!
    The Corsa's really moving now.......

    "c'mon, c'mon c'mon" He's urges the little tarmac terrorist onwards.....

    WILL HE BEAT HIS PERSONAL BEST AND NUDGE 55mph BEFORE THE MACDONALDS SLIP ROAD - JUST 1/2 MILE AWAY???!

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    ..... the mcdonalds drive through looms ever closer.. the beast of a corsa is screaming in second, doing a good 35mph, does he change into 3rd, or keep the bad boy in 2nd and let the finely tuned vauxhall lump scream its way past 36???
    he goes for it... the 'town' clutch is dropped, and he slamms it into 3rd. Oh wait, its gone into 5th and he stalled it. How that can be possible with the tight (????) vauxhall gearbox is almost beyone comprehension. it rolls into mcdonalds, and orders a big mac with fries.
    The corsa is now ticking like a grandfather clock, not helped by the incessant revving and wheelspinning up the drive through, not to the amusement of the spotty mcdonalds workers.........
    but then, over the horizon looms the daddy of all modded town motors....

  19. #19
    Guest Zenki's Avatar
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    It's the "West side posse" in their fleet of R5 turbos having been out nicking stereos from cars in the local bingo hall car park. Colin, the leader of the posse in one of the meanest muthas in town and is ably supported by his henchmen Gerald and Adrian. They all drive identically modded black R5 turbos that are so low the arches come half way down the wheels. They are all reputed to be running 50psi on stock internals and put out 125hp(for 2 seconds!) They cruise past giving Big tel the evil eye coz he called Colin's little sister Kylie a slapper at the school disco in the 3rd year and he bears a grudge. They all boot it in second and activate their dump valves in unison to show their displeasure at Big Tel being on their manor!
    What the Posse don't realise is the Gaz, in an attampt to win favour with Sharon's brother John had gone round Colin's garage and broken in. It has been rumoured that they have some new engines that they are getting ready for the Cruise at Halfords next week and Gaz wants the inside knowledge as he also thinks that's where Colin keeps the nicked stereos and probably his porno stash so his Mum won't find it!!! Gaz has managed to break in unheard because Colin's mum and Dad are engrossed in Eastenders. He climbs in through the window but as he does so hears the unmistakable sound of a Peco exhaust followed by a dump valve!!! Oh no the posse are on their way back and Gaz is gonna get caught in Colin's garage so he hides behind Colin's Dad's Flymo just in time as the garage door opens and in walk the West side posse!!...............................

  20. #20
    Member arry's Avatar
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    at least in this version the quarter mile race could be filmed in "real time"!

    "the west side posse step inside the garage, revelling at their new engines and bantering among eachother that at last, with their metal head gaskets, they may finally have overcome their rediculously common overheating problem.

    Colin calls his troops to the side wall of the garage, turns out the standard lights and activates the black light lamps he's procured from some-one's acid party the week before. He lights up the wall to show a list of 50 of the most wanted and desirable bolt on mods ever designed. The west side posse's plan becomes clear to Gaz, theyre gonna nick all the nova crew's patent stick on petrol caps - and use them on their powerhouses.

    Gaz panics, knowing he must warn the other members of his insane nova crew, cos otherwise theyre just never gonna pull a bird down southend again, their cars will be "plain" and boring"
    Porsche 911 C2 LiquidityBuster & Volvo V70 mk2 Estate BattleTankOceanLiner
    KTM 990SMT AnimalThunderBastard & Royal Enfield Bullet 500 TrundlyBimblerTallyHoGoodChap

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